I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
