I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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