yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
