after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
