not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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