he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
