I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
