Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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