Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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