She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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