she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
