I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
