need another drink. this is the easiest way
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
