All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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