i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
