I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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