i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
