my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
someone owes me an orgasm
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
