You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
