What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
