I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
