My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
