Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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