is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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