i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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