He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
