i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
