Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
