please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
