see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
