I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
