and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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