i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
