My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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