So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
