Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
