So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
