The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
