at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
