On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Bring me that man meat
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
