I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
