Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
