i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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