Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
