You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
