Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
