if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
