There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
