Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is my gift to your gina
Drake has all the answers
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
