Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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