You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
