Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
