please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
