I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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