STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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