Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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