I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
